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Casting the Inevitable Twitter Movie
George McIntire | Photo: As credited | November 7, 2013
It's like The Social Network, but much shorter.
With Hatching Twitter: A True Story of Money, Power, Friendship, and Betrayal, New York Times tech columnist Nick Bilton has written himself the rights to the Twitter equivalent of The Accidental Billionaires. You know, just the book Aaron Sorkin adapted into The Social Network. Consider the film royalties his cut in the IPO. And while we were speculating, we figured we'd go a step or two further and cast the movie. Hurry up, Hollywood: You're years behind.
Jack Dorsey played by James Franco: If the polymath actor can move from a self-dismembering thrill-junkie (128 Hours) to a gangster-pimp from the everglades (Spring Breakers), then tech titan is the next logical step. Did you know Franco coined the word Polymath while he was a student at Yale and teaching at Columbia? You're welcome. Pay us on Square, which Jack Dorsey invented while he was inventing jeans. Yes, taken Together, Franco and Dorsey's egos are the size of the tech bubble.
Ev Williams played by Jim Parsons: The Big Bang Theory star is probably looking for his big screen break, and this could be it. They've each brought nerd culture to the forefront of regular person culture, and their hairlines are made for eachother.
Biz Stone played by Kevin Connolly: If Connolly doesn't get this part, the least he could do is put on some glasses and be Biz for next Halloween. It's that easy.
Noah Glass played by Andrew Garfield: This is Garfield's opportunity to be known as the guy who plays the guy who gets betrayed by the giant tech company he co-founded. There's an academy award for that, right? If so, he'd probably just miss it every time.
Dick Costolo played by Dick Costolo: This is the wild card pick here. Before getting into technology, the CEO was a theater geek at the University of Michigan and after graduation he went to Chicago to be an improv comedian. He'd lend gravitas to this, yes, all-male cast. (UPDATE: Or maybe actor Patrick Stewart, who recently rang the NYSE bell on Twitter's behalf. We'd pay just to hear him say "Make it so!" when he publishes a tweet.)
Speaking of which, as Nicholas Kristof recently asked, where the ladies at? Despite the majroity of users being women, Twitter's board is made up of seven men. Will Twitflick be devoid of them? Worse yet, a group of women—well, strippers—has thrown themselves into the mix, handing out #Tatas4Twtr IPO party cards outside "@twitter" headquarters. That's right: All employees get in free. We'll cast the strippers, uhh, next time. #TwitterIPO