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Colin Kaepernick's Wet Hot American Summer

 Youth + money + time = too much fun?

 Kap making a derp face with his Miami Dolphins hat.

Niners quarterback Colin Kaepernick’s spring-summer itinerary has been impressive: charity work, training, a visit to his old high school in Turlock. But then there’s all the other stuff—the primping, the posing, the Playmates. With opening day (September 8, against the Green Bay Packers) looming, here are seven reasons to fear a celebrity hangover.

1. Too Many Awards Shows
At least Kap took his shades off for the Academy of Country Music Awards in April. While accepting an ESPY in July, he kept his oversize aviators on, prompting teammate Joe Staley to point out, via Twitter, that it wasn’t sunny inside the Staples Center.

2. Too Many Endorsements
Signing with Jaguar was a coup, but just two days after Coach Jim Harbaugh expressed concern about the QB bulking up in the off-season, Kap signed an endorsement deal with nutritional supplement company MusclePharm.

3. Too Much Hef
Grabbing a few beers with friends is one thing, but dude, did you have to hit the Playboy mansion with Chris Brown and Snoop Dogg?

4. Too Much Mustard on His Fastball
As far as we can tell, there was no damage to Kap’s golden right arm when he threw an 87-mile-per-hour fastball as a first pitch at a Giants game in June. He may be a former high school pitcher, but let’s be honest: Nobody likes a show-off.

5. Too Much Acting
Kap’s recent starring role in a 30-second spot for Yahoo Sports fantasy football (Google “Kaepernick Post-Game Hug”) makes Peyton Manning look like Daniel Day-Lewis. Bro does look good in a cutoff shirt, though.

6. Too Many Selfies
On July 4, Kaepernick posted an Instagram of himself wearing a hat with the Miami Dolphins’ logo plastered across it. The Internet, in turn, freaked out. His defense: “I’m goin’ wear what I want, regardless of what you think.”

7. Too Much Skin
Hey, if we looked like that, we’d flaunt it too. But when a nude photo shoot for ESPN The Magazine’s Body Issue comes in the middle of a summer marked by hard partying and questionable wardrobe choices, expect some raised eyebrows. (The skin-flaunting on the cover of GQ's September issue didn't help.)

 

Originally published in the September issue of San Francisco

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