- Eat & Drink
- News & Features
- City Life
- The Hamptons
- Las Vegas
- Los Angeles
- New York
- Orange County
- Palm Beach
- San Diego
- San Francisco
- Silicon Valley
- Washington, D.C.
Cool Grey City of Football: NFC Championship Edition
Jeremy Dorn | Photo: Courtesy 49ers.com | January 20, 2014
Just wait till next year.
It took 19 games and 20 weeks of football to prove me right, but I told you all along. Colin Kaepernick is overrated, Jim Harbaugh is psychotic, and the 49ers never really stood a chance this year. Even though we all know Alex Smith would have led the 49ers to a 16-0 season and a 77-0 Super Bowl victory, I have some choice words for some people in that NFC Championship.
First and foremost, Mr. Sherman. Let’s get this out of the way, because my job here is to thrash the team you verbally thrashed all night long after the big win: you’re a prick. Not just a normal prick. Like, an ultra, mega, monster, mutant prick. There is a fine line between honesty and insanity, and you crossed it. You helped your cursed team and city earn its biggest win in franchise history and the first thing you could think to do taunt and tease and completely ruin the joyous celebration it should have been.
Anyway, here’s to hoping that schmuck gets torched for 600 passing yards by Peyton Manning in the Super Bowl.
But, Niners fans, let’s be real. The loss wasn’t because of the so-so officiating or the miracle touchdown on 4th-and-7 or the injuries to Navorro Bowman and Mike Iupati. It was the absolute implosion in the fourth quarter by the implosion master, Kaepernick.
It’s almost like the young quarterback confused himself by finally playing well in Seattle. He didn’t know how to handle the success, and decided he needed some level of normality in his life. So, instead of making smart, accurate throws and picking the right spots to run in, he forced it. Again. And again. And again.
Two interceptions, a fumble, and a season-ending, soul-crushing loss later, the man was at the podium taking full credit for the meltdown. As he should.
The defense covered the field with more driving force than a Seattle rainstorm and the play calling and time management were surprisingly solid. The wide receivers were making circus catches, the special teams were crushing returners, and then the overzealous QB got in the way again.
Being fast and strong and talented doesn’t make up for not handling the pressure of a situation like that. Kaepernick needs to learn how to close against elite teams, or he can pack up and leave (wait, don’t go, we only have Colt McCoy!).
It was a terrible, awful, no-good season, 49ers fans. And as I told you from day one, it was just never going to work.