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A Cry for Yelp

The ugly, uglier, and ugliest reviews of local eateries.

What do all restaurants, regardless of cost, cuisine, or atmosphere, have in common? As we pointed out in this story, it's awful Yelp reviews. A tiny sampling of the hatred, unintentionally hilarious and otherwise.

 

The Fly Trap
The ménage a foie failed our expectations completely. Do not eat the sheep liver, it will just force you to spit it back out.
—Lyly N.

Pal’s Take Away
Health Department score: 92. When I asked why not 100, I got a glare from the younger guy. I for one do not need the Rude McTude act. These dudes will never be my pal.
—Cinnamon Z.

Hapa Ramen
Their unique broth is not something I could continue eating.
—Wakaknee J.

Souvla
There were only four choices on the menu. Only four. Unless they reconsider and get some more choices, I think that I will give it a “Meh.”
—Janet C.

Perbacco
Just like the rest of my life, this place was an utter disappointment.
—Arin N.

Stones Throw
My friend ordered the beet appetizer and her plate looked like a Picasso—is this the eye? Where’s the nose?
—Katie B.

Bar Agricole
Our pasta was undercooked way more than eldente [sic] and when we told the waitress, she gave us attitude and said that if the chef were to cook it even more, then it would fall apart. BITCH—I know what pasta is supposed to take [sic] like, and that shit was HARD!
—Helen C.

Saison
I know the menu changes but really, MIND BLOWN LEVEL = 0. I would expect different ideas but at least a party in my mouth!!
—Caroline L.

The Mill
Basically tasted like an average sourdough. Unless you are confounded by toast and how to make it, this place is no [sic] worth it.
—Robb W.

Outerlands
Haven’t tried the place, but solely writing this review because I’m tired of the pretentious snobby hipsters it has brought to my neighborhood.
—Puka N.

 

Originally published in the August issue of San Francisco

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