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How to Pledge Frat Mason

 A bro's guide to getting into SF's frattiest park.

Somebody broke the bro code and told the Chronicle about “Frat Mason.” Not cool, bro, not cool. Don't you know we're on double secret probation? The paper’s sociology of the Fort Mason area, penned by Nellie Bowles, noted ubiquitous salmon pink shorts, shirtless volleyball games, and Bud Light Lime. Attention freshmen: Rush week starts now. Getting into Frat Mason is as easy as putting on a pastel polo and following these steps.

1. Leave the Tecate and the PBR with those rancid hipsters in Dolores Park. Instead, tote Milwaukee’s Best, Coors, or Keystone by the cooler-full. Bonus points for bringing games like corn hole to the party. No Frisbees, please.

2. At Bar None, hone your beer pong skills before taking on defending champs on the lawn. Pro-tip: If you’re chilling with an East Coast prepster squad, call the game Beirut.

3. Rigid gender hierarchies are a must. Sure, back in Armistead Maupin's day, the Fort Mason Safeway was known as the prime pick up spot for San Francisco's omnisexual, gender-bending freak show. But today, it's better known as the place where Denise Bertuccelli picks up food to cook for every dude in the nieghborhood.

4. Like all frats, it’s about the history. You best know that the fort was named in 1882 after Richard Barnes Mason, a former military governor of California. Sir, yes sir.

5. If you can’t prove your athletic prowess with a football on Crissy Field, swim to Alcatraz and back in boardshorts. Bonus points if you shotgun before and after.

6. Fanny packs. With speakers. Playing college rap stars like Mac Miller.

7. The Chron noted a Google Girls house: put on your Glass and raid that place for underwear to show off to the bros.

Now you know the code, we’ll see you next Fraturday. Sun’s out, guns out!

 

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