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McSweeney's: The Survey
Annie Tittiger | Photo: Courtesy McSweeney's | December 13, 2013
On the eve of the publication's 15th year, McSweeney's staffers compose haikus, pitch tv shows, and dream of crazy new issues.
"The seven-section broadsheet newspaper called the 'San Francisco Panorama.' We sold them out- side our office on Valencia, and people appeared out of nowhere. It was like serving warm bread."
—Laura Howard, Publisher
Describe the McSweeney’s office in a haiku:
Has still not been updated
“Born to Die” again.
—Jordan Bass, Executive Editor
corner dust at dawn
run to the hole little one
sunny hilltop shine
The haiku would definitely have to end with:
“Late at night the mice.”
—Andi Winette, Managing Editor
Author with whom you’d wear a pair of pantalaines (from the junk mail issue):
Decorum prevents me from answering this question.
If Marimekko manufactured a pair, I wonder if Julie Hecht would hop in with me.
—Sunra Thompson, Designer
Back in the day, I actually wore pantalaines with Gideon Lewis-Kraus, a real author.
—Annie Wyman, Associate Editor
￼The next story to be picked up by HBO (à la "Bored to Death"):
Clancy Martin’s “How to Sell,” which chronicles a wildly crooked secondhand jewelry business in Fort Worth, Texas, should be sent to Vince Gilligan immediately. One of the scariest characters ever to appear in our pages, counterfeit diamonds, Venezuelan gangsters—it deserves seven seasons and a movie, absolutely.
Issue ideas left on the cutting room floor:
The Mousetrap Issue.
The Africanized Beehive Issue.
The Ark of The Covenant Issue.
An issue that worked like a game of chess.
—Brian McMuLLen, Senior Art Director and Editor
I’ve pitched the idea of doing campfire stories, but it’s not getting any traction.
—Dan McKliney, Art Director
Waterpark? I pitched that as an intern. I’m not sure what I meant, but I remember everyone listening politely.
Originally published in the December issue of San Francisco magazine.
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