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Safe Words: The Do's and Don'ts of Kink.com

As it turns out, not quite everything goes at San Francisco's most prolific porn palace.

Of all the movies opening at Frameline37 the most head-turning has to be Christina Voros' kink, the James Franco-produced documentary about Mission-based porn hub Kink.com. But for San Francisco residents, kink seems like old hat; anyone can go tour the Armory, and the company has always been very PR friendly. Have we seen it all? Veteran Kinksters Penny Barber and Siouxsie Q walked us through some of the surprising do's and don'ts of the workplace that the general public might not know:

DO: Have tea time.

Siouxsie: I shot this amazing rope scene recently, and in between the 3rd and 4th takes the director announced that it was "tea time" and the PA appeared with a tray of hot tea and matching cups. So we all put down our whips and chains for a moment and had tea together. Perverts can be such wholesome people.

DON'T: Let them eat cake.

Penny: One site said I couldn't use chocolate cake in a scene because of "What it might look like." I couldn't have red icing because it might look like blood. We couldn't write on me with a red marker for the same reason.

Siouxsie: For Penny's birthday she ordered chocolate cake and was so sure that would make her safe from getting her face shoved in it. As soon as the cameras were off we put her face right in that.

DO: Take care of the equipment.

Penny: They wrap the camera remotes in plastic so they won't get anything on them. I asked the PA, "Why don't you just put two condoms over the remote, head to toe?" On the next shoot, I did just that.

DON'T: Break the good stuff.

Siouxsie: My very first day the assistant at sat me down and said, "Oh, let's just adjust the machines to your height and size." So I had to sit there perfectly still and let them measure everything, because you don't want to be the girl whose butt breaks the machine on her first day.

DO: Bond with your coworkers.

Siouxsie: One of the big secrets of porn is that a lot of us are really awkward people, so there's a lot of interesting workplace interactions. You walk into the showers and you're having these casual, everyday conversations like, "Oh, how are you today?" "Fine, except my feet hurt because I just got caned a lot." Because we don't have a water cooler, you know.

DON'T: Get TOO friendly.

Penny: They have sanitizers all over the place but you can't always get to one, so when you want to shake someone's hand after a scene you rub elbows instead. That's a porn goodbye.

And above all, DON'T give us all the details.
 
Penny: I thought of a story, but I don't know if I want to tell you. It involves a whipped cream pie and...let's just leave it at that. Worst shoot ever.
 
For more backstage details (including all the ones we can't repeat here), kink screens at the Castro Theatre at midnight.


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