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Sign of the Coming Tech Bubble Apocalypse

Tech journalist offered IPO bribe.

From the Book of Silicon Valley Revelations, Chapter Six, Verses Nine through Sixteen:

[9] And I beheld when Fortune Senior Editor-at-Large Adam Lashinsky had opened the seal of the collapse of the second tech bubble, and, lo, there was a great earthquake, greater than Loma Prieta; and the sun became black as the night when you're trying to catch a cab from the Outer Sunset, and the fog became as blood;

[10] And Arista Networks did offer a "friends and family" portion of IPO shares unto Lashinsky, even as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs, when she is shaken of a mighty wind. The offer did cometh directly from the CEO of the firm, Jayshree Ullal, specified down to the number of shares that Lashinsky would be allowed to buy, numbered as is every grain of sand;

[11] And therefore did Lashinsky conclude that the underlying valuation of the tech company was to burst as a glimmering sphere when it is blown from a child's plastic bubble wand; and that, "I finally had tangible confirmation that we are squarely in the middle of a tech-company bubble;"

[12] And verily did the signs go forth and multiply in the eyes of Lashinsky: the "oversupply of journalism jobs covering the technology industry," the quantitative evidence of comparative valuation analytics, the scarcity of real estate, the inability to make reservations at State Bird Provisions, and even the invitations to "dinner, drinks, and other social [functions]" that cloggeth the inbox of Lashinsky;

[13] And thereupon did Lashinsky gaze upon a new tech bubble and a new San Francisco, for the first tech bubble and the first San Francisco had passed away;

[14] And the lords of disruption, and the Paleo dieters and juicers, and the brogramers, and the scribes of Pando and TechCrunch, and those who proclaimeth that their start up is like unto the glory of Twitter save that it be useful for oxen race enthusiasts, and every maker, and every lowly bus rider, hid themselves in the back rooms of the Battery Club;

[15] And said to the mountains and rocks, fall on us, and hide us from the face of them that declare that tech bubble hath burst, and from the wrath of Lashinsky:

[16] For the great day of the inevitable market correction is come; and who shall be able to afford a new Tesla?

 

 

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