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How to Do BottleRock Like a Wine-Sipping Festival God

Aka Robert Plant.


BottleRock, Napa's Valley's music festival, opens its third year this weekend. Though it had some rocky beginnings, it seems to have found its sea legs—and this year should be better than ever. Here, then, 18 ways to do BottleRock right.

1. Don't drive. Parking is going to be sucky. Take a bus instead: Here's where to buy tickets. Or Uber, which is offering a flat rate from San Francisco to the shows starting at $90.

2. Go see Robert Plant. The golden god is nearing 8,000 years old, but he's still got it. 

3. Niners tight end Vernon Davis is going to be making pizzas with the guy from Tony's on the Culinary Stage. No, it doesn't make any sense to us either. Which makes it a must see.

4. Michael Franti will not be wearing shoes. And neither should you.

5. Listen to your mother and wear sunscreen. 

6. Screw wine. Drink Coors Light.

7. No Doubt's Gwen Stefani is 45 years old now. Just let that sink in for a while, then drink more Coors, and contemplate whether "Don't Speak" is really a warning about government surveillance.

8. Screw Coors Light. Imbibe primo grape juice from high-end Napa wineries like Silver Oak and Robert Mondavi.

9. Always carry a light sweater.

10. Wired: Snoop Dogg. Tired: Snoop Lion. Expired: Snoop Doggy Dogg.

11. Don’t wear a Native American headdress.

12. Imagine Dragons is playing. That's going to be so cool for all the people out there who think Coldplay is too hardcore.

13. Prohibited items: glow sticks, selfie-sticks, pets, water guns, real guns, and vitamins.

14. Dance like no one is watching you watch them silently dance to Silent Disco.

15. Check the Craiglist Missed Connections page on Monday.

16. Do you think Foster the People will play that one song with all the whistling? We bet they will.

17. Bring a water bottle and fill up for free.

18. Parse the grammar used in the names of Cage The Elephant, Young the Giant, Portugal. The Man, and People Under the Stairs. There will be a test.


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