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Like a Pretty Young Woman Marrying a Smelly Old Man, the Oakland A's Are Settling for the Coliseum

They no longer know the way to San Jose.

Holy Toledo. 

We love everything about the Oakland A's. We love Double Play Wednesdays (even though we wish that tickets were still a buck). We love Jose Canseco's Twitter feed! We love fireworks nights! We love Eric Sogard's face, Coco Crisp's name, Josh Reddick's caveman beard.

But we're sorry—we hate the Coliseum. And now we're hearing that A's may be stuck their for ten more years?!

Dude. The very thought of it is enough to turn us into Angels fans. (Kidding!)

But this is the word from Matier and Ross this morning, who report that Athletics co-owner Lew Wolff is in negotiations with the city of Oakland to keep the team in the raw-sewage-plagued house of horrors for the next decade.

The news comes as the A's continued to be shut out of a move to San Jose, which Major League Baseball has blocked thanks to those schoolyard bullies the Giants, who consider the South Bay to be part of their own fiefdom. The possibility of keeping the A's in Oakland, but moving them to a new site at Jack London Square, has also been floated. But looks like both those possibilities may be off the table, at least for the time being.

If the negotiations succeed, the lease would leave the team stranded in what BuzzFeed (the most trusted name in list-based sport journalism) ranked the seventh-ugliest stadium in baseball. It's also infested with rats that—thanks to federal environmental laws—can't be eliminated at the source. Top it all off with enough concrete to make a Soviet architect look like Julia Morgan, a surrounding wasteland of auto body shops and paint supply outlets, and Mount Freaking Davis, and the prospect of another decade in the Coliseum is enough to make you cry green and gold tears.

But there's at least one person cheering the news: Mayor Jean Quan, for whom keeping the team in place could prove a boost for her reelection campaign (which just tells you how dire a situation she finds herself in going into the elections). We can see the TV ads now: "Remember that horrible eyesore stadium that's unworthy of how great our baseball team is? I kept them there! I'm Jean Quan, and I approve of this message."


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