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Quiz: Which Day of the Treasure Island Music Festival Is the Most Unmissable?

Pick a fuzzy animal, and we'll pick a day for you.

 

The Treasure Island Music Festival is this weekend, and we’re all getting very excited. This year’s lineup is packed with great names like the National and Run the Jewels, and the festival is also introducing its first-ever comedy tent, the Blah Blah Blah. But deciding when to head to the middle of the bay is tough: You’ve got laundry to do, 10-milers to run, Empire episodes to catch up on. So we’ve devised a quiz to help you decide which day of the festival is more your speed.
 

1. What’s your get-dressed, get-pumped, face-the-day music style of choice?

A. Anything that can conceivably be described as lush, uplifting, sunny, and danceable. My motto is “Jams, not bangers.”

B. Morning music needs to lull me out of bed, through the first pot of coffee, onto BART, and into the office without ever interrupting my train of thought.

C. Music first thing? No, thanks. I'd rather cue up the familiar sounds of Morning Edition.

D. I prefer utter silence in the morning, and enforce it with violence. 


2. You prefer:

A. musicians who are named after small, soft pets.

B. musicians who are named after large, reluctant-to-procreate animals.

C. comedians who are named after wild pack animals.

D. entertainment that has no cutesy animal connections whatsoever.


3. You never leave home without:

A. giant mouse ears, a septum ring, and a thick gold chain atop my ’90s-cartoon-referencing shirt.

B. elaborate gold eye makeup, a three-piece tweed suit, full facial hair, and an elaborate sense of irony.

C. my Tim and Eric Zone Theory tee.

D. What do you mean "leave home"?


4. You’re hankering for a late-night snack in the city. What do you pick?

A. The daddy of S.F. taco trucks, El Tonayense. I prefer the tongue. 

B. No pretenses here. Burger King, gas station Taco Bell—it’s all good.

C. A pepperoni slice from Gioia.

D. I maintain a strict routine of not going to bed until at least three hours after I've eaten, with the exception of an occasional 11 p.m. green tea.


5. You can’t bring booze with you to Treasure Island, but it wouldn’t be a festival without plenty of alcohol sold on-site. What’s your favorite beverage?

A. Something with just enough booze to get me hyped, but not so much that I need to be taken home before FKA Twigs hits the stage.

B. Hard cider is my daytime jam.

C. A nice cab sauv that I can enjoy sitting down.

D. Homemade kombucha, obviously.  


Mostly As
 
Saturday is your day. You probably already love Viceroy’s dreamy, uplifting beats, complete with sax breakdowns. Cashmere Cat sounds like a delightfully cute animal that sadly doesn’t exist, but the melody-meets-the-club vibes of this Norwegian producer will salve your angst. OG EDM producer DeadMau5 and the utterly original Run the Jewels will appreciate your style—and obviously FKA Twigs will be feeling your aptitude for face jewelry. 

Mostly Bs
Sunday is much more your speed. The cinematic, lyrical stylings of Jose Gonzalez make the perfect sound track in the morning—or anytime of day at all. Headliner Panda Bear is bringing his unique brand of “very chill experimental electronica” to the festivities, but sadly no actual pandas will accompany him (as far as we know). Your commitment to metallic eye decorations scores points with indie-synth goddess Lauren Mayberry, lead vocalist of CHVRCHES, while natty tailoring and a healthy beard will mean you might be mistaken for a backing member of the National or even Father John Misty himself.

Mostly Cs 
Either day inside the comedy tent. You probably caught Chris Gethard talking to David Greene on NPR earlier this year, and now you can see him in person on Sunday. The very funny Michelle Wolf, and her magnificent curly hair, will be gracing the Blah Blah Blah stage on Sunday, too. Tim Heidecker—one half of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!—brings his surrealistic brand of humor to the top of Saturday’s comedy lineup (and Max Silvestri loves pizza so much he is literally holding a slice in his promo shots). Plus, the comedy tent is the perfect place to enjoy a grown-up drink, since you’re much less likely to trip over a stray guy-wire or 20-year-old, and one of the joys of red wine is that it doesn’t matter if it’s served warm. Which it will be.

Mostly Ds
You’re not really into music, or comedy, or fun, are you? Grab a seat on the couch, and leave the delights of Treasure Island to the rest of us.

Lead photo: Treasure Island Music Festival

 

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