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The Mission’s Dearly Departed Porn Fortress Kink.com Is Having an Estate Sale

Go, but avoid the couches.

Human Hamster Wheel

SLIDESHOW [CLICK ARROWS BELOW]


Human Hamster Wheel 
“It’s probably a relic from the Porn Palace. The Porn Palace was where Kink.com was headquartered before The Armory. And I suspect it was featured on [the film] Water Bondage and was paired with a tank.”


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Human Hamster Wheel

SLIDESHOW


Battlestar Galactica-Inspired Crew Portrait
“Peter [Acworth, Kink.com CEO] got very excited about getting oil paintings up in The Armory. I think it was his idea, but someone got the great idea of having all of the different crews that produced movies to have their own oil painting. So that was one crew. They’re holding Sony EX1’s and the cool thing about those cameras is that was the leap from digital videotapes to the cards. Everybody was very nervous about that because we weren’t going to have the tapes as backup.”


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Police Force Handcuffs and To-Do List 
“We had a person who was employed at Kink, the director of sexual health and advocacy—he’s now head of the Free Speech Coalition… I’m assuming it’s from his office.”

Listed on the reverse side of the package: UCLA gathering info, PP in Concord meeting, Gilead meeting, epidemiologist from OSHA, *Standards Board separate from OSHA, Women’s HIV, OSHA CAN NOT ignore the science, phone call Weds. talking points


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Human Hamster Wheel


Phonebooth
“That phonebooth has been through a lot… Most of my memories of it are trying to light it so that it looks realistic and where to hide fluorescent tubes. That’s not very sexy. I have memories of fellow cinematographers lighting it really cool. That’s my fondest memory of it.”


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Assorted Vinyl Records
“I think it was a decoration from a shoot that was a record store on FootWorship.com. Each Foot Worship started with a music video. Or if it wasn’t that… I’m pretty sure it was on Divine Bitches—Chanel Preston had a throne that was made out of a jukebox… I might be mixing up all the porn…”


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Clover Clamps 
“Clover clamps are quilt clothespins basically, to hold quilts up when you hang them up to dry. So they clamp down really hard and the more weight you put on them, they get tighter. Those have been used as nipple clamps for I don’t know how long. If they look rusty, that’s because the art department put their touch of love on them… I’m not going to dismiss the possibility that a pair of nipple clamps dropped into the Mission Creek and someone fished them out later on, but I would bet hundreds of dollars that it was the art department.”


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Slabs of Meat
“The fake meat comes from the abattoir set. I love the abattoir set. Someone called Kink and asked if they wanted this freezer door and Kink bought it for like $200 or something. It looked awesome and then the head of our art department did a lot of research and built a whole room around that one door. He added the fake meat to help sell it as a slaughterhouse. Most people didn’t use them in their movies except in the intro. Some people decided to Saran Wrap people to them.”


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Vintage Gynecological Exam Chair
“That fucking chair… I feel like I used it one time. It’s really annoying to use. There are a lot of moving parts. It’s not very conducive to bondage.”


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Vintage Leather Wilson Football Helmet
“That one was definitely going around. It probably was in the background of a lot of movies as a prop. It might have been in the coach’s office or some kind of college co-ed thing.”


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Bank Vault Door
 “The bank vault door was built for a Public Disgrace shoot. If one director had a prop ordered from the in-house art department which had a full shop—a woodshop, metal shop, and paint shop—other productions could benefit from it as well, so I’m sure it’s been used a couple times.”


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Finalizing its much-lamented exit from the Armory, Kink.com is selling off the last of its porn-prop inventory this weekend, April 6-9. In addition to a bunch of *yawn* unsexy items like furniture and office supplies, there are mountains of “kink-related implements and toys,” erotic art and books, and an array of, erm, “distinctive” smut accessories. “There were some good years in the adult industry where there were resources to have really awesome props and really great set design,” says Fivestar, a producer and director who estimates she’s worked on over 1,000 shoots since coming to Kink.com a decade ago. “Kink still has a high production value and still finds it very important to produce high quality videos but you’re not going to find that kind of excess typically on any shoots in the industry.” 

In the slideshow above, Fivestar gives us the back stories on a few of the sale’s most memorable items. 

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